Wow, diggin' the mullet...
I’ve mentioned I work in a -20 degree industrial freezer at Amazon.com, right?
Whenever I’m in there, I undergo a physical and mental transformation the likes of which few would believe.
My normally upbeat, and sunny side up personality melt (or is that “freeze?”) away, revealing a surly, irritable, and borderline violent persona that is simply not fit for societal living.
Seriously, on occasion I’ve actually admonished some of co-workers to keep their distance when we were in the freezer.
They thought I was kidding, but in truth; I meant every word of it.
Believe me when I say this, there are more than a few shelves and plastic totes in there that have felt the wrath of an enraged Azn Badger kick to the brain.
My biggest issue with the freezer at work, is the fact that the experience is almost always physically painful for me.
Now, I have no qualms whatsoever with working hard, but when I’m forced to work a job where I can expect to my extremities to go numb, and be in excrutiating pain for several hours; I feel that’s asking a lot.
Truth be told, I could probably deal with working the freezer once or twice a week, but ever since the week after I was trained in there, I’ve had to go in almost every day, sometimes twice a day.
Needless to say, the freezer is a god forsaken black hole of hatred and despair.
I hate it so much, that I wish it were a person, so I could tear off it’s head and shit down it’s stump.
Then cover the head with maple syrup and stuff it into an ant hill.
Despite all of my hate for the freezer, and the horrible things it’s done to me both physically and mentally, (think rape, only colder and less sexual) I’m happy to say that I’ll most likely never have to deal with it again.
You see, a funny thing happened this week:
The Amazon warehouse, which is split into Fresh (online grocery) and .com sides, recently rearranged it’s work force into 2 separate rosters for each side.
Before, every employee was required to learn and perform all duties on both sides of the warehouse.
Now, everyone is assigned to one side only, and will thusly no longer be required to move to the other side of the warehouse unless absolutely necessary.
I was fortunate enough to end up on the .com side of the warehouse, meaning no more working in the fridge, and more importantly; no more going into the freezer.
Words can’t describe how happy that makes me.
Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to let Farley do the celebrating for me:
So, things are looking good for the Azn Badger at the moment.
Chances are I’ll get let go, just as I’m getting accustomed to, y’know; being happy at work…
Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, .com, Amazon, Burt Reynolds, Chris Farley, cold, comedy, Dana Carvey, Dom DeLuise, freezer, Fresh, funny, grocery, Johnny Carson, Phil Hartman, skit, SNL, work