Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Remember When Brock Superplexed The Big Show?

For as much shit as I give Brock Lesnar, I have to admit, the clip above is easily one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen in wrestling.

Hogan scoop slammed Andre.

Goldberg jackhammered The Giant.

Hell, even that worthless pile of merch’ shilling dumb fuckery, John Cena; F U-ed the Big Show and Edge at the same time.

But at the end of the day, only Brock Lesnar superplexed the Big Show and destroyed THE ENTIRE FUCKING RING in the process.

I’ve seen guys get chokeslammed through the mat before, but this is a whole ‘nother thing altogether.

Usually, when holes get put in the mat, or any sort of damage is incurred on the ring in general; you can plainly tell that the incident was scripted in some way, usually through the use of a trap door/pre-fabricated hole.

When I watch this clip, it’s hard to make a case for it being scripted or planned in any way.

For one thing, I don’t think this was actually the last match booked for the evening in which it aired; making it completely unrealistic to consider the organization having originally planned to destroy the ring before the show was over.

Also, listening to Tazz, a semi-professional commentator scream “HOLY SHIT!” at the top of his lungs, it seems to me that his reaction was likely that of genuine surprise.

Regardless of whether this incident was scripted or not, it brings me unconscionable amounts of joy just knowing that a moment like this exists in the world of wrestling.

If ever there was video evidence to convince the Big Show to lay off the Taco Bell, this would have to be it…

Filed under: Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Remember When The Big Show Had Diarrhea?

While his in-ring prowess was, and always will be the stuff of legends; Eddie Guerrero’s personality and mic skills were an aspect to his game that would largely remain hidden until the later stages of his career.

During his time in the WWF, Eddie was cast in several memorable storylines, usually as a clown of sorts.

As dumb as it was, I’ll never forget Eddie’s “Latino Heat” team-up with Chyna, as not only did it give us perhaps one of the most awesome entrance themes of all time; but the side-show appeal involved in the idea of these 2 people sleeping together was absolutely unforgettable.

While “Latino Heat” was good fun, the clip above actually comes from Eddie’s “Lie, Cheat and Steal” period, wherein he and his (less talented) nephew Chavo acted as stereotypical Mexican thugs.

The Big Show’s diarrhea in the above clip, was the result of a nasty prank Eddie and Chavo pulled on him via a “spiked” burrito.

It was during this era that Eddie was fortunate to have been finally pushed hard enough by the organization to gain the world title; as well as the time in his career when he was arguably at the peak of his popularity among casual fans.

Sadly, in the last year or so before his untimely death, Eddie would make a major heel turn, feuding with Rey Mysterio Jr. in the process.

Regardless of how he may have finished out his career, I’ll never forget Eddie Guerrero’s contribution to my love for wrestling; as I pretty much spent my entire life watching him up until his death.

That being said, long live “Latino Heat.”

Filed under: Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , ,

Remember When King Mabel And Yokozuna Fought And Reversed The Earth’s Gravitational Pull?

Morbidly obese dudes have always had a place in pro-wrestling.

Often taking on an “unstoppable force” persona akin to that of Andre the Giant, The Big Show, or even Goldberg; super-heavyweight wrestlers rarely exhibit the most talent, but always stand out due to their prodigious girth.

Whether they be the likes of the absurdly massive Haystacks Calhoun, or the surprisingly agile and technically proficient Rikishi, the fat guys of wrestling have always drawn crowds, regardless of ability.

That being said, on the rare occasion that promoters find themselves in the position to slam 2 extraordinarily heavy individuals together in the ring, you can be they go out of their way to make it happen.

Such is the reason we had silly match-ups like the world famous Akebono facing off against The Big Show in a sumo match.

Truth be told, this wasn't all that bad...

The match the title of this post refers to though, was between Yokozuna and King Mabel in the mid-90′s, when Yokozuna was starting to get embarrassingly overweight.

This match stands out to me, largely because when viewed side by side, both men have perhaps the strangest physiques in all of wrestling.

Yokozuna is about 90% ass, and King Mabel is basically 500 lbs of torso.

Seriously man, when you take a closer look at Mabel’s ankles, I’d swear they were made of toothpicks.

The match is by no means a classic, with both men being the sort that lack the agility to take bumps convincingly, or in rapid fashion; resulting in a sluggishly paced match with little to no high impact maneuvers.

It’s disappointing really, during this era Mabel was actually relatively fleet of foot; unlike later in career when he went by the monicker of Viscera.

Man, it's hilarious to think how accurate those proportions are to the real thing...

As mentioned before, Yokozuna was pretty much on his way out by this time, which strangely enough, kind of upset me back in the day.

I was kind of heavy as a kid, and more than a little Azn; so despite his questionable wrestling skills, I always kind of had a soft spot for him.

Hell, back in the day I played as him almost exclusively in virtually every WWF videogame I could get my hands on, especially Wrestlemania: The Arcade Game.

Man, that game was savage-as-fuck, wish I could be playing it right now…

Anyway, I remember hearing that Yokozuna actually gained a shit ton of weight on purpose during his career, which potentially lead to his untimely demise.

It saddens me to know that he went out that way, but perhaps his death will serve as a cautionary tale for other would-be wrestlers aspiring to achieve similar proportions.

Filed under: Games, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Remember When Goldberg Jackhammered The Giant?

*Note: I’m aware the clip above isn’t from the first time this happened in WCW, however in my eyes it’s the best executed Jackhammer Goldberg ever did to The Giant.*

When I was young, I really bought into the Goldberg hype machine.

I dug the fact that he had an undefeated streak.

I dug his over-the-top theme music.

More than anything though, I really dug his wrestling style and the way he’d utterly obliterate most of his opponents.

He was the borderline mute and utterly unstoppable force of late 90′s wrestling, and by golly; he was damn good at it.

It’s a shame his acting ability never really measured up to his wrestling prowess, as I remember my childhood perception of him getting knocked down a peg or 2 by his appearance in the utterly craptacular Universal Soldier: The Return.

Oh well, at least his appearance in the Megadeth music video produced for the movie was good for a laugh, what with his repeated mouthing of the words “Crush ‘em” into the camera and…… No, that’s actually all he did:

It’s funny, as dumb as it is, I actually happen to like this song quite a bit.

To this day it still surprises me that MTV aired the video for it as much as they did.

Even more surprising was how many times I actually sat through it…

Anyway, watching Goldberg Jackhammer The Giant was one of the cooler moments in wrestling moments that I ever got to witness on live television, so I figured I would share it with all of you.

In case you couldn’t tell, I’m a little starved for writing inspiration at the moment…. And have been for the past few weeks now.

In that sense I apologize for the “memory lane” posts about dumb wrestling, but frankly it’s all I’ve got in me at the moment.

Hopefully I’ll get my act together sooner rather than later.

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Remember That One Time Big Boss Man Drove Off With The Big Show’s Dad’s Coffin?

I was fortunate to have seen this promo live, that is, when it originally aired on TV.

To this day, my dad still brings it up as one of the most awesome things he ever watched with me and my brother.

God I miss the days of good wrestling…

Filed under: Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , ,

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