If that doesn’t make you cringe, then try factoring this in:
Like an idiot, I was wearing heavy jeans, had my pockets stuffed full of crap, and was wearing 2 and a half year old shoes that couldn’t support a flea.
Here's hoping to God that I didn't look like these douche-rockets when I was on the road...
It was just one of those times when something in your head tells you “run,” so you run.
Funny, if only my mind could find such clarity when commanding me to do things that don’t hurt me, maybe then I’d get something done for a change.
In short, the shock up my spine, due to lack of proper footwear and a surplus of improper attire, has left my lower back in horrid state, and as such, I just plain don’t have it in me to write a legit post for tonight.
Sorry everyone, I was planning on writing earlier, but I got distracted, not to mention WordPress was doing some sort of maintenance, so I was locked out for most of the day anyway.
Look forward to a goofy review of Vincenzo Natali’sSplice in the near future, as well as a very special 10th installment of The Best Track in the Game.
Have a good night everyone!
"ROUGHLY THE SIIIIIZE OF A BAAAAAAARRRRRGE!!!!!!!!"
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial was, for the better part of half my life, the scariest fucking movie I never saw.
The Secret of NIMH had it’s moments, what with the Great Owl flipping his head around and what not, and Tetsuo’s melt-down scene in Akira was crazy-as-fuck, but for my money, E.T. had ‘em all beat.
And no, I’m not talking about the fact that E.T. looked like a goddamn monkey turd/cock that had been left out in the sun too long and beaten with a crystal dildo.
Which one was I talking about? I leave that for you to decide...
No, to be honest, when I first saw the movie I didn’t even know what E.T. fuckin’ looked like, but even so, the movie scared the piss outta’ me.
Why, you ask?
Well, the story starts back in 1985, 2 years before I was even born.
Steven Spielberg’s 1982 blockbuster powerhouse, E.T.; proved so impossibly successful, both critically and financially, that it saw a theatrical re-release in the summer of 1985.
Being as the movie was supposed to be, well, just about THE BEST MOVIE EVER, my parents decided to take their first son, my older brother; to see it in the theater.
He was 2 years old.
My parents sat at the theater, with my brother in my mom’s lap.
The opening credits slowly faded in, with no fanfare or sound of any kind playing over it.
After a few minutes, a starry night sky appeared on the screen, followed by a long tracking shot surveying a grand spaceship in the forest.
Little brown figures, oddly cute in a pathetic sort of way; clumsily wandered about the forest, seemingly exploring their surroundings.
After awhile, of the little brown guy’s wandered off from the spaceship, where he happened upon a spot in the woods overlooking the night lights of a city.
With a terrible noise, a series of vehicles tore through the forest converging on our little brown friend, their headlights shooting through the foliage like white hot beams of pure terror.
Then some men got out of their cars.
And they starting chasing E.T.
From the moment E.T.’s chest starting glowing red, and he let loose his gut-wrenching, cringe inducing baby-in-distress scream, my brother just couldn’t handle it.
He started bawling in the theater and thrashing around in my mom’s arms so violently, that my parents were forced to get up and leave the theater with him.
BEST MOVIE EVER, and they didn’t even get to see 10 minutes of it with their first child.
Flash forward several years, and I’m 3 or 4, just a little bit older than my brother was when he first experienced E.T.
My parents rented E.T. and sat down to watch it with me.
I remember earlier that day, my brother and I were playing together, and he decided to tell me what to expect from the movie.
He told me this:
“E.T.’s chest starts glowing, and you can see his insides and stuff. Then his chest opens up, and he pulls a laser gun out of there and starts killing everybody.”
E.T. according to my brother.
No joke, that’s what he told me.
I was a little kid, and he was my older brother, so of course I believed every word of it.
I don’t know why he told me that, maybe because he was embarrassed by how badly the movie freaked him out, and wanted me to do the same, but regardless, that’s exactly what happened.
As soon as E.T.’s chest started glowing that hellfire red, revealing his transparent ribcage, everything my brother told me started flooding my imagination with all sorts of terrifying imagery.
I saw E.T.’s chest flying open, spraying gore and viscera across the forest floor.
I saw E.T. pulling out a hairdryer shaped ray gun and pointing it at the scary men.
I saw the scary men being torn to bits and rendered to a fine sanguine mist by the vicious light beams streaming through them.
In short, just like my brother before me, I freaked out during the first 10 minutes of E.T. so badly that my parents had to eject the tape and return it the very same night.
At some point in my life, I recall seeing E.T. maybe once, though I hardly have any memories of it.
To be honest though, I don’t know if my parents ever got a chance to see it.
The game had the straightforward appeal of a Mario game, but with a more aggressive play style.
In most Mario games, precision platforming was the order of the day, as most of level designs, and indeed the enemies in the game, were maneuvered around and dispatched using carefully placed jumps.
Outside of the occasional power-up, Mario did most of his fighting with his ass.
Oh yeah, he also had skateboards and dinosaurs to help him too.
Yeah, he's fat.
In fact, fighting in Adventure Island, while hardly required to make your way through most of the stages, was an element of the gameplay that was heavily emphasized.
Enemies were numerous throughout the games’, mostly consisting of pissed off animals of the tropical variety.
I think it's safe to say that the pig lost.
This, coupled with the fact that Master Higgins handled like a meatloaf on wheels, lead to the player typically relying on their weapon to clear the screen of enemies, rather than risk one-touch death as a result of trying to hurdle a snake with one very fat, baseball cap wearing Polynesian.
Artist Rendering
This, combined with the games’ strict time limit, lead to a platforming experience that felt more like a mad dash through an obstacle course as opposed to the more hazard based, methodical nature of most other platformers.
The “time limit” in Adventure Island games, was represented by a series of white tally marks across the top of the screen indicating Master Higgins’ level of hunger.
That's right, he's back. And you better believe he's still hungry...
Throughout the game, players would have to constantly grab fruits and vegetables that would appear before them, thusly keeping Master Fatty McFat-Pants Higgins from dieing of starvation.
For whatever reason, accidentally grabbing an eggplant would cause the angry vegetable (I’m serious, just look at it’s “face”) to follow Higgins around, blare ominous music, and eat away at his time limit.
One EVIL Motherfucker
Either eggplant gives Higgins the shits, or someone on the Hudson development team truly hated that vegetable, because to this day I just don’t get it.
Hell, they even made the eggplant the FINAL BOSS in Adventure Island 4.
Anyway, the main plot of virtually all of the Adventure Island games is typical “rescue the damsel in distress” fare.
You see, Master Higgins, obese island chief that he is, just happens to have a seriously hot lady named Tina living with him on his so-called “Island of Adventure.”
Hey, back in the day THIS was hot.
In fact, his woman is so hot, that wild animals, strange man-animal hybrids, and even aliens want to make off with her.
Well, as you may have guessed, at the start of every game, one of the above goes ahead and snatches Higgins’ lady, thusly forcing the player to guide ‘ole Fat Body across the island to save her.
Now, imagine running across the island when you're built like THIS guy. God rest his soul.
Adventure Island 2 was my favorite game in the series, largely because 3 was always checked out at the rental place.
The first game, in my opinion, was kind of rubbish; with lame graphics, the weakest music in the series, and a seriously limited color palette.
Adventure Island 2 kicked ass because it was Mario, but with dinosaurs.
Dinosaurs that breathed FIRE.
Godzilla = The Azn Badger's Hero.
All of the Adventure Island games had great soundtracks with a great island flair to them.
Most of the tracks were uppity and fun, fitting the colorful graphical style of game about as well as one could hope.
In example, here’s one of the most famous tracks from the series, the Map Screen Theme:
Despite the “island” sound of that particular track, Adventure Island games were by no means one-trick ponies in the audio department.
Like most platformers throughout gaming history, Adventure Island games typically saw the player traverse a wide-range of environments I.E. ice stage, fire stage, air stage, etc.
In Adventure Island 2′s case, the game just happened to have a pretty spankin’ Desert Theme:
As you have probably figured by now, the Boss Theme for Adventure Island 2 was awesome.
So awesome in fact, that they recycled it for the third game.
Check it out:
Adventure Island 2 is one of my favorite platformers of all time.
And while I know that the entire series is basically a carbon copy of the Wonder Boy games, and that the series has since deviated from it’s traditional gameplay in favor of a more Zelda-like style as of Adventure Island 4 on the Famicom, none of that will change the fact that Adventure Island 2 is a kick-ass game.
It’s not the prettiest game, nor is the gameplay the most complex, but for some indefinable reason, it endures to this day as a poster child for the genre.
The plot of the game is pretty simple, but fairly involved given the strength of it’s characters.
The mayor of Metro City, former pro-wrestling champion Mike Haggar’s daughter, Jessica; is kidnapped for ransom by the local Mad Gear Gang, resulting in Haggar, Jessica’s boyfriend, Cody, and in the case of the arcade version, Cody’s gym buddy and ninja friend, Guy, taking justice into their own hands until they rescue her.
Asses are kicked, heads are busted, and wheelchair bound men are tossed out 30th story windows.
Seriously, check it out (skip to :58 for the paraplegic beat down):
Of the two characters available for play on the Super NES version of Final Fight, (Haggar and Cody) Cody was my favorite to play.
I know, I know:
“Haggar’s the coolest fucking character in gaming, he’s the motherfucking MAYOR. How could you not pick THE FUCKING MAYOR!?”
Don Frye: The Closest the World Will Ever Get to Creating a Real-Life Mayor Mike Haggar
Well, because as much as I love Haggar, an as much fun as it was to piledrive the shit out of Mad Gear chumps and deliver swift justice via my ass in their faces, as a kid I vehemently subscribed to the theory that Cody was the more well-rounded, and thusly, better choice.
That, and he wore blue jeans and a white t-shirt. And we all know how cool that combo was back in the day…
You don't mess with success, man.
Most importantly though, using Cody allowed me to more easily pull off my patented “Super Combo” (coined well before Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo!) much easier than with Haggar.
The “Super Combo” by the way, consists of starting a punch combo on an enemy, and then during the second-to-last hit of the combo, you press the directional pad in the opposite direction you are facing while still mashing the attack button.
When done correctly, this will result in your character throwing the enemy behind them instead of finishing their combo, thusly giving you a few invincibility frames, as well as knocking down anyone behind you.
Okay, maybe the REAL Super Combos are a lot flashier than mine was, but still...
Remember how I said there were 3 playable characters in Final Fight?
Well, you can thank U.S. censorship, lack of confidence in the Super NES hardware, and a poor conversion from the arcade version robbing you of Guy, as well as a host of other tidbits.
For instance, the (supposedly) transvestite enemies Roxy and Poison were redrawn for the U.S. version to become the male characters Sid and Billy.
Evolution: From "Wannabe Female", to "Mostly Male."
Also, many character names were changed, which I have noted later in this post, and Haggar’s daughter’s portrait was changed to show her in a dress instead of a brassiere.
The Goods.
I can understand most of these changes, trannies weren’t exactly socially acceptable for “family friendly” consoles of the time, but really all I was bothered by was the whole “no Guy” thing.
Blockbuster took 5 bucks off of me just so I could rent the bullshit Final Fight: Guy, only to find that in that version, Cody was removed and there still wasn’t two-player simultaneous support.
Fuckin’ bullshit I tells yah’.
Bitch stole mah' money.
Playing Final Fight as a child gave me a feeling that I imagine kids these days get from games like God of War III, or one of those UFC: Undisputed games.
It made me feel like a bad ass, like I was the toughest of all the tough guys and all the world’s problems could be solved via a few repetitive punch combos.
Basically, I felt like this guy (the guy on the right dumbass). God rest his soul.
At it’s core, the gameplay of Final Fight consisted of little more than walking to the right, stopping to mash the games’ one attack button until everyone onscreen was dead, and then repeat until you beat the game.
I know, it sounds boring and dumb, but that’s beat ‘em ups for yah’.
Same shit, different vehicle.
There were of course, various subtleties to the gameplay that made Final Fight special.
While there were only two buttons, attack and jump, pressing both in tandem allowed the player to perform a life-draining, spin attack that was useful in interrupting and canceling overzealous enemies’ attacks.
Okay, fine, that move is in every beat ‘em up, but still, it’s worth mentioning.
My favorite element of Final Fight’s gameplay was it’s general feel.
The various punches, kicks and throws, both from the player and the enemy characters; all had a satisfying “oomph” to them that made it hard to get bored of busting heads, even after you’ve been doing the same 3 moves over and over again the whole game.
Or in the case of Golden Gun matches in Goldeneye, the same ONE move over and over again.
One key rule of thumb that is prevalent in virtually every sidescrolling beat ‘em up ever made, is the fact that approaching enemies from an angle, that is; from any direction other than straight-on, is always the wisest course of action.
Because the 2-D sprites were drawn flat, attacking from an angle effectively allows the player to bypass any sort of reach advantage that the enemy characters may possess, thereby severely limiting the chances of a successful counter-attack.
Essentially, you do this to them.
Final Fight took this elementary gameplay element, and made it feel just plain right.
When I swooped in at a 45° angle and slipped into an enemies’ reach to grab hold of him, it felt like I earned it.
I know it sounds trivial, but think about it in terms of say, a first-person shooter.
Most of them tend to play similarly, but it’s the one’s with the right feel, the right amount of “oomph” in the weapons, and the right amount of weight, of “drag”, when readjusting ones’ aim, that stand out from the all the hum-drum and chaff.
Well okay, 100 million dollar production budgets seem to help these days too, but you know what I mean.
*AHEM!* Not that I'm talking about anything in particular...
The expertly crafted hit boxes and trembling, painful looking damage animations for the various characters in Final Fight, were a huge contributing factor to it’s success in my opinion.
Unlike say, any of the games in the Rushing Beat AKA Rival Turf series, whenever it looked or felt like I hit someone in Final Fight, the game always agreed with me.
Don’t get me wrong, as a kid Brawl Brothers was one of my favorite rentals, (purely as a result of Hack having a bad ass bomber jacket. Hey, I thought it was cool back then.) but compared to Final Fight, the sprites were ugly and the collision detection was atrocious.
...Although it did have the best cover art EVER.
Attack damage was probably the icing on the cake for Final Fight in terms of achieving this impossibly gratifying feel that I keep gushing about.
Attacks in Final Fight did a fuck-ton of damage, especially when the bad guys were beating on you.
Unlike the Rival Turf, or Bare Knuckle AKA Streets of Rage series, enemies didn’t swarm you and whittle you down in Final Fight, so much as they snuck up on you an made you pay your mistakes.
Taking on the bad guys in Final Fight required you to corral them in such a way as to keep them from getting your back, or any angles on you really.
Even the wimpiest of characters, Two-P or J, had a significant amount of pop to their punches that would make you think twice before letting them slip behind you.
"Sand People always walk single file to hide their numbers."
Let me tell a little story about a nasty guy named Slash.
Slash is a mid-tier grunt in Final Fight that where’s cowboy boots, and an all red-leather biker outfit.
Lookat' 'im, pickin' his cock...
In short, he looked like Swayze if Swayze had no shame.
SHAMELESS. Oh wait, maybe that was just Farley...
Slash appears from the first stage on, and in his earliest appearances he has a miniscule, almost laughable (given his considerable size) life bar.
Slash’s one outstanding trait in the game, is the fact that he, along with his palette swap, Axle; is the only enemy in the game that can block your attacks.
This man however, has yet to grasp such a concept.
Slash only has two attacks, a wimpy kick, and a DEVASTATING double axe-handle.
Guess which one he uses ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
Slash’s double axe-handle can take you out in two hits, no foolin’.
If you see this, it's already too late.
I didn’t mind this so much in the earlier stages of the game, but there’s this one part in the LONG-AS-FUCK Bay stage, in a public bathroom, (not gay, I swear) where you are assaulted about a half-dozen Slash’s in all their red-leather clad glory (also not gay.)
Among a cast full of colorful and iconic characters, Slash stood out to me, not for his look, or his personality, but simply because I hated his guts.
Hugo Andore, the giant-fucking Andre the Giant look-alike, was tougher for sure, especially in his ‘roided out Abigail form, but aside from El Gado/Hollywood always catching me with their goddamn jumping knife attack from off-screen, I can think of no enemy in the game that consistently pissed me off as much as Slash did.
Look at him, you just know he's about to do something sketchy...
Well, except for maybe Sodom AKA Katana, he was a cheap bitch that really didn’t like it when you tried to pick up his swords.
In all, not a man I would fuck with.
Now that I think of it though, Simon could also be a bitch on account of his broken-ass, twenty layers thick life bar.
And his fuckin' memory game bullshit.
In case you couldn’t tell from my ramblings, Final Fight was a tough game, with tough enemies, and yet it was still buckets o’ fun.
More importantly though, the strength of it’s characters really shines through, given how easily I am able to recall each of them by name and appearance.
Final Fight was a great game that will always feel right to me, regardless of whatever advancements we may achieve in the future of gaming.
How the fuck do these Best Track in the Game posts always end up with me rambling about everything but the music?
Guess we’ll never know. Anyway, The Best Track in the Game is…
Subway Alley/Sodom’s Theme:
Why?:
Final Fight’s soundtrack is a typical example of arcade game music.
You ever been to a video arcade?
They’re noisy places, aside from the chiming of the token machines and the kids cursing God for their lack of Missile Command skillz, you can’t hear shit.
In that sense, music was never the most essential aspect of the production for arcade games.
The Super NES era of gaming was one of the last ones that saw prevalent releases of arcade conversion games.
Mind you, this was back when “arcade conversion” meant “shitty, peared-down version” to console gamers, not like today where everything is “arcade perfect” or bust.
Pretty much the only example of an arcade conversion that was infinitely superior to the original.
As a result, Final Fight has a distinctive, but hardly exceptional soundtrack.
It is worth noting however, that the Super NES arrangement of the music sounds much better than the arcade original in my opinion.
The tracks are appropriately dingy and gritty given the back alley street fighting gameplay.
Sodom’s Theme is one of the more uppity tracks in the game, but, once again, appropriately so.
The battle takes place in a hidden boxing/wrestling ring setup somewhere in an abandoned subway.
As you fight Sodom, the massive samurai wannabe clad in football pads and a traditional kabuto.
Oh yeah, and he has two katanas.
(pic)
You of course have only your fists, (or in the case of Haggar, ass) making for an exceptionally difficult fight.
I think the completely off-the-wall and ridiculous nature of this situation, coupled with the dire circumstances as a result of the difficulty of the fight, are what make this scene, and this track, so enjoyable.
With it’s loud and grandiose nature, the music feels like a late 80′s version of gladiatorial arena music,.
During the fight, there is a massive (and hostile) crowd present, adding to the theatricality of the situation.
At times the music takes on an almost baseball anthem like sound.
Sodom’s Theme is hardly a work of art in the realm of videogame music, but for Final Fight, it’s pretty damn good.
Runner-Up:
The Bay:
Why?:
The Bay Theme in Final Fight is pretty much right on par with Sodom’s Theme in terms of overall quality and enjoyment, however one key factor separates them in my eyes:
I got sick of listening to The Bay Theme, while Sodom’s Theme has yet to wear out it’s welcome.
I mentioned earlier that The Bay was a LONG FUCKING STAGE, and as a result, you end up listening to it’s theme music for A LONG FUCKING TIME.
True, the music changes no less than 2-3 different times, with the latter portion being an almost irritatingly energetic standout,
but for the most part, The Bay Theme always sticks with me as the theme music of the stage.
In addition to it’s length, The Bay is also an exceptionally difficult stage, which often caused me to have to continue, resulting in my having to play through the stage more than once to beat it.
In short, as good a piece of music as it is, I was simply overexposed to The Bay Theme as a kid, to the point in which it lost it’s luster before I could even be nostalgic about it.
Today I was asked by a my friend of mine, “If you could make any videogame, what would you make?”
Well, I couldn’t really answer him all that well when I was put on the spot, but remember I typed up this idea for a game about a year ago.
It’s not quite finished, but please look it over and enjoy!
Tag Line:
“A simple mission with epic possibilities”
Concept:
Third-Person, Military action game with RPG elements, a robust one-on-one melee fighting mechanic, and a compact, but hugely malleable storyline in which a “game over” is almost impossible to attain outside of being killed.
Mass Effect – Branching story structure based on player’s actions. Third-person shooter mechanics mixed with RPG elements.
The Bourne Conspiracy – Integration of seamless shooting-to-melee gameplay mechanic.
Setup:
The player initially begins the game by creating a character.
Facial structure, sex, voice, age, build, and initial outfitting are among the customizable criteria, though the equipment available upon first starting up the game is somewhat limited due to unlockable content awarded to the player as they progress through the single-player campaign.
Attribute Criteria:
These are the basic Attribute Criteria available to the player to assign to their character at the outset, as well as (in some cases) build upon later in the game.
Strength – Determines the character’s carrying weight and melee damage.
Speed – Determines the character’s movement and melee attack speed.
Stamina – Determines the character’s capacity for prolonged physical exertion, as well as serves to determine the steadiness of their targeting reticule when aiming with a low or empty Stamina gauge. Additional examples of Stamina draining activities include, sprinting, and any action performed while in Melee combat.
Toughness – Determines the character’s capacity to endure superficial damage from both weapon and melee damage.
Skill Criteria:
These are the basic Skill Criteria available to the player to assign to their character at the outset, as well as (in some cases) build upon later in the game.
Precision Shooting – Determines the steadiness and recovery rate of the targeting reticule when aiming down the sights of the weapon.
Assault – Determines the steadiness and recovery rate of the targeting reticule when firing while in motion or shooting from the hip.
Equipment Maintenance – Determines the efficiency by which the character is able to maintain their equipment, I.E. how quickly equipment is repaired during downtime and the rate at which said equipment declines while in battle. Also serves as a positive bonus to the character’s Critical Failure rate.
Explosives – Determines the character’s accuracy with grenades and the speed by which they are able to set or disarm explosive devices.
Melee – Determines the expanse of the character’s move set when engaging in melee combat. Also determines the ease by which the character is able to execute counter maneuvers and adds a bonus to their Melee damage rating.
Medical Skills – Determines the efficiency by which the character is able to perform emergency medical treatment on himself and others, I.E. the amount of health recovered and the speed at which treatment is administered from one session.
Age System:
A character’s age affects the game in two major ways:
It determines the attribute and skill points available to the player from the beginning, as well as the rate in which they accumulate them as the game progresses.
In addition to this, the characters’ age determines their demeanor and behavior during the various cut scenes.
This system works by separating the possible ages of the character (20 to 45 years) into two base categories of “young” (age 20-32) and “old” (ages 33-45).
A character belonging to the “young” age group is given access to a greater amount of attribute points from the beginning and onward, while at once starting off the game with few, if any available skills or skill points.
Conversely, a character belonging to the “old” age group begins the game with fewer attribute points to allocate, while at once being awarded with a greater number of skill points, as well as a number of pre-unlocked and upgraded skills.
In the case of both character types, aging a character further to either end of the age spectrum results in their corresponding bonuses and handicaps being applied, I.E. a 20 year old character will have almost no skills, but will begin with the maximum of attribute points assignable from the beginning, while a 45 year old character will begin with the opposite.
In regards to the progression of the story, the age system takes the endless branching points of a well thought out single player campaign, and effectively doubles it.
As a “young” character, the player is initially portrayed as a green horn on the battlefield, with privileges such as issuing squad commands being restricted from the player until later in the game.
In contrast, an “old” player character begins the game as a combat veteran and squad leader.
Damage System:
Damage is inflicted on the player in one of two ways:
Either by directly receiving hits that result in instantaneous critical or fatal damage, or by receiving overwhelming fire directed at them that results in gradual, superficial damage.
Direct hits on the player result in region specific damage, meaning a bullet to the thigh affects the player differently that a shot square in the chest.
When being selected, all Armors and Clothing display a semi-transparent view over the character model displaying the defensive capabilities of every region of the characters’ body using the selected armor load out.
As a result, taking direct hits to well armored regions typically results in less than fatal damage, though the player’s armor will break down after taking a few direct hits.
Direct hits to unarmored regions of the character can result in Wounds, which, until properly attended to, will cause the player’s controls to become sluggish. Examples of this include:
Leg Shots – The player receives a limp, greatly reducing mobility, though physically strong and fast characters are still capable of hobbling quickly.
Arm Shots – The player receives damage to one of their limbs, resulting in heavily reduced accuracy and stability of the targeting reticule while aiming. An ambidextrous character can counter this effect somewhat, though the lack of a second arm for use in stabilizing the players’ weapon still results in a reduction in accuracy, though the effect is less pronounced upon switching to the characters’ “good” arm.
Gut Shots – The player is forced to cup their wound with one hand while moving, resulting in one-handed and thusly largely inaccurate firing while moving. The player is still able to aim normally while stable or in cover. In addition to this, the player also receives gradual superficial damage until they are healed or die from the damage.
Neck Shots – The player is forced to cup their wound with one hand at all times, forcing the player to carry their weapon one-handed. In addition to this, the player rapidly receives superficial damage until they are healed by a squad mate (the player cannot heal themselves of a Neck Shot) or die from the damage.
All Wounds remain until healed, however superficial damage from incoming fire (not Wounds) will automatically fade away upon taking cover from enemy fire for a few moments.
Armor System:
Armors are divided up into sectional pieces that defend one of the 10 damage quadrants of the character.
These quadrants include the: head, neck, upper arms, forearms, chest, stomach, thighs and shins.
Each individual piece of armor worn by the player is assigned a specific weight statistic, which, when totaled together with the weight of their weapons and equipment, results in a degree of encumbrance that scales directly to their character’s Strength and Stamina statistics.
Despite this, characters lacking in these attributes can learn or develop certain Skills to allow them to handle heftier Armor load outs.
Armor serves the dual purpose of preventing fatal or critical damage from direct hits to the player, as well as increasing the volume of incoming fire necessary to damage or kill the player through superficial damage.
When hit directly, the player’s Armor is damaged in the process, and can eventually break down when specific damage quadrants are struck one too many times.
Direct hits to well Armored damage quadrants results in critical to mild damage, which then in turn translates to superficial damage, I.E. the player can be killed by too many consecutive direct hits to well armored regions of their character, even if their armor is never broken or pierced.
Skill System:
Though the basic mechanics of the game are based on typical third-person tactical shooters, RPG elements in regards to character customization serve to enhance the experience by giving the player noticeable feedback upon upgrading their character.
For instance, upgrading a characters’ marksmanship skill will result in noticeable changes to the steadiness of their targeting reticule.
Not only that, but unlocking other skills, such as Awareness, which provides the player with visual or auditory clues regarding enemy positions just before ambush situations, with the clarity and timeliness of these cues being more pronounced with every upgrade until enemies are permanently visible to the player at almost any range.
Downtime:
Downtime is an option available to the player upon fulfilling one of two very specific conditions: either by reaching certain safe zones/checkpoints during the campaign, or while prepping for defensive missions.
Downtime represents the only time the player is capable of assigning newly acquired Skill and Attribute points.
Downtime also affords the player with a number of options, any one of which can be enacted or omitted to varying degrees.
The actions available to the player during Downtime consist of:
Equipment Maintenance – Restores the quality of weapons to prevent Critical Failures such as jams and overheats. Not only this, the squad’s armor will be repaired to varying degrees.
Resting – Restores the Fatigue and health of squad members to a degree.
Searching For Ammo/Supplies – Potentially awards the player with extra ammo and equipment.
Scouting Ahead – Provides varying degrees of intel regarding the upcoming battle zones, including enemy locations and equipment load outs. Can potentially result in triggering combat, thusly canceling Downtime.
Downtime lasts the duration of a 10-15 minute period, allowing the player to divide the time among the above listed actions between individual squad members as they see fit.
Every action available affects squad member morale either positively or negatively.
For instance, ordering fatigued squad members to Scout Ahead is irresponsible, and thusly will irritate said squad members.
The best tactic in selecting Downtime actions is to be sensible.
Fatigued squad mates need rest, fresh ones need to be made useful, and squad mates that have high morale are most likely better suited to Scout Ahead.
During the single player campaign, the player will encounter several formal checkpoints in the form of road blocks or camps populated by friendly units.
Upon reaching these areas, the player is awarded with an extended Downtime session during which the player and his squad are fully resupplied and rested, as well as receive a fair amount of intel.
In addition to this, the player is also given the option to change their outfitting and weapon load out as well as suggest load outs to their squad mates.
Morale System:
The squad assigned to the player from the outset of the single player campaign maintains a persistent Morale system that is responsible for gauging the trust and respect they hold in regards to the player character.
This system is affected by numerous factors, including the efficiency of the orders issued by the player during combat and downtime, as well as more specific actions the player takes, such as assisting squad mates individually during combat.
Battlefield maneuvers that can embolden the trust between the player and his squad mates include:
Lending Ammo
Giving Medical Attention
Moving the Squad from Cover to Cover
Defeating Enemies Via Melee
Performing Well in General (Not taking too many hits)
Properly managing Downtime activities for each individual squad member is one of the most important factors in maintaining Morale.
As detailed in the above Downtime section, properly ordering mutinous and loyal squad members during Downtime can be responsible for making or breaking the chain of command of a squad.
Morale/Mutiny:
Mutiny is a possibility throughout the duration of the single player campaign.
Mutiny results in one of two events transpiring:
Either the player is forced to battle the mutinous squad members, or the player can relinquish their command of the squad.
Upon initiating a Mutiny, all squad members receive a minor penalty to their Morale, though only those whose Morale ratings bottom out will join in on the Mutiny, all others will remain loyal.
Upon relinquishing their command, the player will resume play as normal, but without the ability to issue concrete squad orders.
The player can still issue orders, but only squad members whose Morale rating is over 50% will follow them.
During this time, the player also receives orders from their new leader, though they are not obligated to follow them.
Move orders issued by the AI squad leader are represented by columns of light on the battlefield.
The above listed positive Morale boosting methods all apply to the AI squad leader during his time in charge, and thusly, if the player is able to raise the formerly mutinous squad mate/mates’ Morale rating from 0% to at least 50%, the player’s command will be restored.
It is entirely possible to play through the entire campaign while following the orders of an AI squad leader.
Skills:
Awareness – The player is given visual and auditory hints at oncoming enemies prior to their engagement with said enemies. Can be substantially upgraded from its initial capacity of being like a momentary “Spider-Sense” prior to an ambush, to a permanent radar system of sorts.
Muscle Memory – The player’s reloading speed is increased. Initially, this skill comes with a slight handicap tagged onto the player’s reloading skill in the form of a negative bonus to their critical failure rate for full reloads, (reloading from an empty magazine position) however, this handicap quickly diminishes as the skill is upgraded until it is no longer apparent.
Quick-Draw – The speed at which the player is able to change equipment or weapons is increased. In addition to this, as this skill is upgraded, an added feature is awarded to the player in the form of causing the player to automatically draw their sidearm upon being disarmed.
Battle Cry – Upon discharging their weapon for an extended period of time, or charging the enemy, the player lets loose a chilling battle cry, greatly increasing the potential for suppressing the enemy and/or negatively affecting their accuracy.
“Walk it off” – The player’s capacity to absorb damage is increased by allowing the player to psyche themselves up and fight through the pain. Essentially, the character’s total hit points and durability are unaffected by this skill, rather, the player is simply given the ability to refill their life gauge slightly when near death, but only every so often. This skill is represented by various animations detailing the character slapping themselves in the head, cracking their neck, or breathing heavily in exasperation.
Range Finder – The player is granted the ability to lock-on to enemies at short range when equipped with grenades. This skill only becomes active when throwing grenades when in cover. The skill is activated when the player peeks out from cover with a grenade equipped and places their targeting reticule over their desired target. At this point, a lock-on is acquired and the player becomes capable of throwing grenades, both blindly and while popping out of cover, with pinpoint accuracy.
Blood Thirst – Upon eliminating an enemy with a knife or melee weapon, the player and their squad briefly gain a slight bonus to their suppression capability and weapon accuracy. This bonus stacks for every successive kill in this manner during any engagement. Adrenaline – When critically injured or near death, the player’s targeting reticule will not be jostled when firing for a brief period or until the player recovers. Also, unless the character has sustained damage to their legs or neck, their movement speed will be slightly increased during this period.
Well, that’s all I’ve got for right now.
Please don’t steal my ideas, and feel free to chip in with ideas of your own!
*SPOILER ALERT!* Anyone who doesn’t want to know shit about Resident Evil 5 should turn back now!
*Sigh* This might take awhile, so buckle down….
As one who’s been a fan of the Resident Evil franchise since its inception back in 1996, I’d just like to take a moment to say this:
Despite Capcom’s success in completely overhauling the gameplay of the series since Resident Evil 4, now that 5 has come and gone, I’m left wanting to go back to the way things were.
Resident Evil 4 was an amazing game, one that certainly deserves a place in the top 15 of best ever games, but at it’s core, it never really felt like a Resident Evil game to me.
Call me weird, but I actually missed the fixed camera angles.
I missed the stilted controls.
"Don't come any closer yah' zombie muddah' fuckah'! Imma' shank you man, I swear, Imma' shank yo' ass..."
Moreover, I missed having to occasionally run past my enemies due to lack of ammo.
"And on your right is a shaved monkey."
Resident Evil 2 was, and probably will always remain my favorite game in the series.
It was one of those games that just happened to “get” me at just the right time in my life.
I was young enough to actually care about the endlessly pantomiming and retarded sounding characters.
I was young enough to still be scared by the haunting atmosphere and crazy-ass monsters.
Not only that, I was dumb enough to think I was “cool” ’cause I beat the game so many fucking times.
Seriously, I beat that game more times than I’d care to admit. Yes, I have beaten Resident Evil 2 more than once in one sitting.
Although this guy probably has me beat.
Anyway, the point I’m trying to make, is that, though I respect Capcom’s accomplishments with the 4th and 5th entries in the series, I would hate to see them fully discard the gameplay style of the older games in favor of the new.
Resident Evil 4 and 5 cast you as an action hero, an invincible, nigh infallible character that can’t leave a building without it exploding behind him.
Stallone: Man, Hero, WALKING EXPLOSION.
I’m sorry Capcom, but no matter how many times you tell me Secret Agent emo-swoosh haired Leon S. Kennedy is supposed to be badass, I simply won’t ever believe you.
No. Just, no.
Don’t get me started on Chris Redfield though. Honestly, whoever designed his character model for Resident Evil 5 should get a big, fat, Blackanese slap to the face, ’cause what they did to him was just obscene.
Okay, so apparently Chris Redfield plays for the fuckin' New Orleans Saints in his spare time.
Remember when Leon got shot in Resident Evil 2?
He was injured so badly that he passed out.
Not only that, he wore bandages for the whole rest of the game as a reminder to the player that their homie done got shot.
"Ada, heads up! OoooooAAAAAAHHH!!!!"
How about that time when Rebecca had to make anti-venom serum for Chris in Resident Evil on account of him being to dumb to make his own?
Oh, I'm sorry. This picture has nothing to do with anything.
Moments of vulnerability in the player characters such as this were what made the survival-horror experience so much fun.
Thanks to savage-ass enemies like the Hunters, and in some cases the giant Ivy plants, players could find ways to drop dead around pretty much every corner.
"You! Human! I demand Clearasil...."
You were in mortal danger throughout the game, and there was little you could do about it except hoard ammo for your strongest weapon and pray you didn’t run out.
Resident Evil 4 and 5 give you money to buy bigger guns.
Good God I hope he's just selling watches.
Resident Evil 4 was great.
It was new, it was different, and everything it set out to do, it accomplished with flying colors.
On the whole, my heart holds no animosity towards Resident Evil 4….. Although I am still upset with what they did with Leon’s character.
He was loud, naive and dumb in 2, how the fuck did he turn into James-Fucking-Kung-Fu/Knife-Fighting-Master-Bond by the time 4 rolled along?
Artist Rendering: James-Fucking-Kung-Fu/Knife-Fighting-Master-Bond
Anyway, my point is, 4 was good.
Resident Evil 5 however, bothered me.
I played the shit out of it, and enjoyed the experience quite a bit, but I was alarmed by how much content was recycled from the previous game.
Aside from the basic controls of the gameplay, little things like reused animations for the villager enemies were just a little bit strange to see given the platform transition to a whole new console generation.
In general, the game just felt exactly the same.
Even the level design was similar with the temple and military segments occurring at relatively the same point in the story.
That’s not a good thing when one game takes place in Spain and the other in a fictional region of Africa.
Remember how fun it was to fight the goddamn Mimickry Marcus in 0?
Wrong Marcus, but at least you're trying.
Well, guess what? In 5, you get to fight a bigger version of him for virtually every boss fight!
Casting FACELESS giant leech monsters as a number of the bosses throughout the game robbed me of a lot of “wow” moments.
Yeah, not much to look at.
Part of the fun in previous Resident Evil games, was in always wondering what the fuck kinda’ crazy shit was gonna’ pop around the corner to tear off your face and use it as toilet paper.
The few times that Resident Evil 5 surprises you with it’s monster designs, you’re left not feeling blown away, but simply confused, as the unique creatures hardly fit into the game at all.
I'm lookin' at you random fuckin' crab boss...
While the gameplay mechanics one was required to utilize in combating these bosses was actually kind of fun, the lack of unique creature designs in Resident Evil 5 lead to me feeling that the game was a little dull from a visual standpoint.
Don’t get me wrong, the graphics are definitely next-gen, but the art on the other hand feels somewhat limited.
Well produced, just lacking in heart.
Man Lucas, I'm sorry to bring this one up again, but you had it coming.
Resident Evil 5 made a bold attempt at reaching out to its’ fans by inserting classic series villain Albert Wesker as the chief antagonist.
This worked out well for the games’ story by effectively tying together the “Las Plagas” storyline of 4, with the “Umbrella Corp” storyline of the older games, as well as the (crappy) “James Marcus” storyline of 0.
What it didn’t work out for me however, was the gameplay aspect of Wesker’s appearances in the game.
Third person shooters with clunky movement controls rarely benefit from having their final bosses be fast-moving, man-sized targets.
The problem with casting Wesker as the final boss, was the fact that it took the one real impressive graphical feat that the previous bosses had, namely their incredible size, and shit all over it.
Yeah, whatever. You'd still buy it.
The bosses in Resident Evil 5 are essentially glorified puzzles.
Though shooting them is at times an option, generally the way you are supposed to dispose of them is by finding what the game wants you to do to them, and do it over and over again.
In the case of the Bat Monster, the game wants you to make it walk onto some mines.
In the case of the Leech Monsters, ALL OF THEM, the game wants you to burn them when possible, and then shoot THE GIANT FUCKING GLOWING SPOT.
I ask you, when has it NOT been a good idea to shoot the BIG GLOWING FUCK-ME spots on an enemy?
And, in the case of Wesker, the game wants you to shoot him from out of sight, with a fucking rocket launcher, shoot the rocket (which he catches in his bare hands), and then punch him in the face until yourpartner can give him an injection.
Hah! You totally thought I was joking when I said he catches rockets, didn't you!?
While it was pretty to watch it all happen before me, the actual doing of fighting Wesker just plain felt dumb.
Requiring you to shoot Wesker from out of sight was Capcom’s lazy way of disallowing the player from simply standing in front of Wesker, taking aim, and shooting him in his noggin.
The way I see, if I can get a guy in my sights, and put a bullet in him, that should be a viable way of fighting, if not slowing him down.
But no, if you do this to Wesker, he simply enters an “evasive maneuver” animation cycle, thusly preventing you from landing any shots on him, even if they’re directed at his immobile legs.
Step-by-steo "shoot the hostage"
Maybe it’s just me being slightly spoiled by the prospect of next-gen consoles and their supposedly limitless potential, but when I see a viable solution to something as simple as shooting a bad guy in a game, I’d like to see the game at least try and give me a little leeway.
Of course, that isn’t REALLY the final battle, but the final battle in Resident Evil 5 sucked so bad that I’d rather not go into it right now.
The one thing in Resident Evil that I thought was TRULY FUCKING STUPID.
The final battles in the old Resident Evil games weren’t puzzles.
True, you had to use special weapons sometimes, or occasionally manipulate the environment a little to get the job done, but for the most part the whole experience came down to the player being forced to stand their ground and put rounds in some crazy, pissed-off mutant.
Pictured: A Crazy, Pissed-Off Mutant
It was simple and satisfying on a visceral level.
In short, it was more dramatic and horrifying, than it was bombastic and exciting.
Resident Evil 4 and 5 represent what happens when you let someone like Michael Bay mess with your franchise.
Actually, THIS is what you get in pretty much every Michael Bay movie. Fuckin' douche.
Wait a minute, this post was supposed to be about music, wasn’t it?
Well, going back to the Wesker battle, despite my general dissatisfaction with the whole experience, especially given the high-profile nature of the characters involved, one thing I will say is that it had some of the most epic and awesomely-good background music I’ve ever heard in a game:
Yeah, wow.
Resident Evil 5 was kind of enough to give us fully orchestrated tracks for most of it’s boss battles, with this one being easily the most impressive composition of the bunch.
Despite this, the majority of the soundtrack, outside of the orchestral work, is hardly memorable.
It was almost as if the music staff somehow exhausted themselves so much doing the awesome boss tracks, that they simply ran out of inspiration for the rest of the soundtrack.
Just listen here:
Personally, I thought this track was good and solid, just nothing to write home about.
In fact, “good and solid” seems to sum-up Resident Evil 5 in my eyes pretty well.
It’s by no means bad, in fact it’s pretty damn good, but the initial “wow” factor of Resident Evil 4 and it’s innumerable imitators, caused Resident Evil 5′s gameplay to become stale years before it’s release.
My gripes aside, hopefully you enjoyed the music, ’cause all this post was really supposed to be about before I went ahead and mucked things up.
Today we’re gonna’ do something a little different.
Today we’re gonna’ sit back and watch me fail at Contra.
That’s right, I made a video, and it’s of my first time playing Contra on the NES.
Please enjoy:
Over the past 20+ years, Konami’sContra series has pioneered and successfully remained one of the single most visible and well-regarded franchises in the genre.
Though every series has it's unfortunate missteps...
In fact, outside of stiff competition from SNK’sMetal Slug series, I can’t really think of another franchise that could even come close to claiming Contra’s title.
As with most classic game series, the fundamentals of the Contra franchise have remained slim, but elegant in their simplicity.
At their core, Contra games are all about you and a friend (if you happen to have any) running from left to right blowing the shit out of everything that moves.
The world through the eyes of a Contra kid.
In between this, occasionally the perspective of the game will change from sidescrolling, to that of a third-person view, or even a top-down view, though the objective remains the same:
Pick up progressively bigger guns, and shoot EVERYTHING with them.
Basically, you're a walking gun. Kind of like 'ole Megatron here.
While I had friends that grew up playing Contra or Super C on the NES, I myself did not really become a Contra kid until Contra III.
I remember I rented the game a few years after it came out.
Truth to be told, the opening cinematic genuinely scared me a little.
Okay, maybe the dialogue between ‘ole Bill and Lance was laughable, even as a child, but something about the eerie music and that goddamn creepy-ass alien face freaked me out a little.
Once I actually started playing the game however, my fear evaporated and turned to excitement and glee.
The biggest keys to Contra III’s success, were it’s pacing and difficulty.
Unlike say, a bullet hell style vertical scrolling shooter, the action in Contra III was conducted at a measured pace, with enemies firing only every so often, with slow moving, but extremely accurate bullets.
"Yup, just another day in the city OH MY GOD THAT DOG HAS A MAN'S FACE!"
This element of the gameplay led to fewer “cheap” deaths, with most of the more difficult aspects of the level design stemming from hazards in the environment and irregularities in the bosses attack patterns.
Stage 5 boss can suck a fat Blackanese cock. Seriously, FUCKING BULLSHIT.
Boss fights in Contra games were always a major aspect of the experience, often occupying a huge chunk of the actual gameplay.
In true Contra fashion, most of the mid-bosses in Contra III had limited attack patterns and were dispatched in quick fashion, however the stage bosses were exceptionally well-designed and often required great skill and patience to defeat.
Except for this guy. He was easy as pie.
Nearly every stage boss in Contra III was memorable in some way, a fact that was bolstered by the truly awesome boss theme music:
To this day, I maintain that Contra III’s difficulty level (on “Normal Mode”) was ideal for the genre.
Even as a child, it was rare for me to become frustrated upon losing a life to stray bullet or an alien that jumped in from off screen.
Everything about the game, from the placement of the power-ups, to the number of enemies on screen at a time, felt appropriate and balanced.
At times, one could argue that perhaps the game was too easy at times, as there were certain instances when specific power-ups were doled out in just a little bit too convenient fashion.
"Oh look I'm one screen away from the boss and have 4 bombs! Oh wouldn't you know it, there's 2 more bombs! Golly Gee Willikers, I'm lucky today!"
Contra games have never been known for their innovations from game to game, and Contra III is no exception.
Changes to the, at the time pretty much untouched gameplay of the original Contra, were few, but key nonetheless.
For instance, players could now climb walls and across monkey bar style overhangs, as well as carry and switch between two different weapons at will.
There was also a retarded somersault attack the player could execute using both weapons at once, but it would probably be best if we forgot about that.
There's a time and a place for somersaults, and this is not one of them.
Speaking of weapons, Contra III introduced a whole of host of awesome new ones to the franchise.
It was in this game that the Flame Gun and the Homing and Crusher Missiles made their debut.
Despite it’s reputation from past games, in my opinion the Spread Gun lost it’s luster in Contra III due to the supreme effectiveness of the Homing Missiles paired with, well, just about anything.
Pictured: The Spread Gun in Contra III.
Like other early Super NES titles, Contra III also made use of Mode 7 graphics for it’s top-down sequences.
I remember sucking-ass at the top-down levels as a kid, largely because of the imprecision in the movement controls combined with those damn narrow bridges.
Yeah, 'cause this isn't confusing at all.
Players could also pick up screen clearing bombs, however I’ve always had a habit of dieing before being able to set them off, so in my eyes they were mostly useless.
In addition to this, players could, for the first time in a Contra game, commandeer vehicles, although there is only one real instance of this, and it comes and goes within the first minute or so of the first stage.
Oh well, “some tanks” are always better than “no tanks.”
Okay, I officially want one.
In all, Contra III was my first, and for the most part, my favorite, Contra game.
When it comes to run ‘n gun games, I’ve always considered myself a die hard Metal Slug fan, however in the case of Contra III, it just has an indefinable charm to it that puts it at or near the top my list.
That being said, The Best Track in Contra III is…
Stage 4 – The Bike Chase
Why?
The question is, why not?
If the word “Contra” was a verb, this stage and the piece of music that accompanies it would probably be it’s definition.
Remember that next time you go out on a motorcycle/helicopter ride/killing spree. It’ll definitely save you a minute or two when it comes to explaining your actions to the authorities.
"What the hell did you think you were doin' son!?"
"I WAS TAKING MY WOMAN OUT CONTRA'ING YOU FUCKING GIRLIE-MAN!"
Seriously though, this track is all about fun and excitement and it goes perfectly with the colorful and over-the-top nature of the level it occupies.
It’s worth noting that this track, as well as the rest of the games’ soundtrack, have that classic “early 90′s Konami” sound to them.
I don’t know if it’s that they recycled the same midi tones a lot over at Konami, but something about their sound just has a wonderful uniformity to it.
It's always a good time for kittens!
In general, Contra music, especially in later games, is a mix of military cadences, pulse pounding electronica, and heavy metal style pseudo-guitar.
Another constant of most Contra soundtracks however, is a slight tinge horror movie soundtrack elements.
Hmm, kind of like Aliens?
Contra games are about fighting giant, grotesque aliens, and the music often reminds of us of the fact that, despite the over-the-top one man army style gameplay, the environments that the games take place in are meant to be grim and violent.
Contra III makes great use of the action-horror sound throughout, though the Stage 4 track is easily my favorite, largely because of how retardedly insane and intense that particular level was.
Seriously, you have to see it in action to understand where I’m coming from:
I rarely, if ever, got past it, but damn did I have fun trying to over and over.
Runner-Up:
Stage 1 – The City
Why?:
While my choice as Best Track in the Game was a track that was somewhat atypical of the series, my choice for the runner-up is not.
The Stage 1 theme in Contra III is classic Contra, with equal parts military influenced badassery and horror influenced creepiness.
Hmm, kind of like Aliens?
In that sense, it’s the perfect track to begin the game with, as it effectively invites players into the next generation of Contra with something familiar, yet different at the same time.
I love the harshness, the sense of urgency that this track exudes. It really works as a piece of music meant to inhabit a very dark and hostile environment.
The only reason this track doesn’t get the nod for Best Track in the Game is because it’s simply not as fun to listen to as the Stage 4 theme.
Both are exceptional in their own right, however in this case I’ll take “fun” over “intense.”
*If all you care to read about is the fighting element of the movie, scroll down to the heading titled “Action“*
The Story So Far…
The Undisputed franchise has the unique distinction of being quite possibly the only film series I can think of where the first entry was my least favorite.
Well, that is unless you count THIS as the "first" in the franchise...
Released in 2002 and directed by Walter Hill of The Warriors fame, the original Undisputed was, at the time, an odd combination of genres, specifically that of the “prison drama” and “underground fight club” niche genres.
Pictured: An overrated film.
More of a B-Grade drama and social commentary film than anything else, the film featured several prison-based boxing sequences nonetheless.
Tonight on UPN: Nekkid Prison Fights.
Though Ving Rhames and Wesley Snipes performed their boxing scenes ably, the fight scenes in the film served more as story beats and bookends to the drama, rather than rousing set pieces, kind of like the difference between the fights in Rocky 1 and Rocky 3.
Directed by prolific straight-to-video action film director Isaac Florentine this time around, the film retained it’s predecessor’s hokiness and melodramatic atmosphere, while placing a much greater emphasis on the execution and “wow” factor of the fight scenes.
Wrong "wow" dumbass.
Featuring Michael Jai White handling Ving Rhames’ role of George “Iceman” Chambers (a character analogous to Mike Tyson), and Scott Adkins as the villainous Uri Boyka, the film featured stunning fight work and cinematography, as well as a storyline that was far more personal and organic than it’s predecessors’.
Undisputed 2: A Tale of Love and Understanding.
Undisputed 2 was simply a better film in every way.
The most important element in the films’ success however, could be attributed to one man: Scott Adkins.
Despite having several acting and action roles prior to Undisputed 2, (most notably director Florentines’ Special Forces) Adkins’ performance in the film could easily be regarded as his “arrival” to the action movie scene.
Possessing a chiseled musculature, and an uncommonly large frame, Adkins’ fighting movements were spell-bindingly exacting and swift, with many of his strikes coming from unique angles, often while airborne.
The signature "Guyver Kick" as it's come to be known.
Together with J.J. “Loco” Perry’s choreography, and Isaac Florentine’s elegantly framed and almost balletic use of steadicam work, and under and overcranking, Adkins and White put out some of the best fight scenes ever seen in an American film.
Since the release of Undisputed 2, Michael Jai White has gone on get shanked by Heath Ledger, and write and star in his first film, Black Dynamite.
Although THIS is the REAL reason people still remember who Michael Jai White is.
Scott Adkins on the other hand, has largely kept to fringe of the industry, continuing to star in straight-to-video projects with director Florentine, as well as score a few bit roles in major Hollywood films.
What? You really thought Ryan Reynolds could move like that?
Plot Summary:
As mentioned before, the story of the film concerns an 8-man fighting tournament sponsored by shady gangsters, and conducted in a Georgian prison (the one in Europe. Well, kinda. Actually it’s kind of close to Asia too now that I think of it…).
It's right HERE goddamnit.
Boyka enters the tournament, eventually befriends Turbo, and together they work their way through the ranks in hopes of facing the installed betting favorite of the tournament, a ‘roided out Colombian named Dolor (“The Pain”).
As it turns out, the tournament is rigged, with all the fighters but Dolor being restricted to one hour a day of training, while at the same time being forced to eat a poor prisoner’s diet, and do back-breaking hard labor every day.
Dolor, meanwhile, lives a life of leisure outside of a prison cell.
No Comment.
Oh yeah, and he’s on the ‘roids.
By stories’ end, Boyka puts his pride at stake and faces Dolor in the final match of the tournament.
Merry mishaps ensue. Roll credits.
The end.
Acting:
Undisputed 3: Redemption sees Scott Adkins in the leading role, once again reprising his role as Uri Boyka.
The plot of the film has Boyka, still hobbled from his shattered kneecap in previous film, retraining himself and earning the right to enter an international 8-man prison fighting tournament.
In the second film, Boyka was largely one-dimensional. Pious, and possessed of a rudimentary sense of justice and fair-play, but otherwise devoid of character.
Now imagine a whole movie of this.
This time around, nothing has really changed, however, due to circumstances that are out of his hands, he softens over the course of the film and actually manages to hold a conversation or two without hitting anyone.
Despite this, his motivations never rise above that of “God gave me the tools to fight, so I fight.”
As in the previous film, Adkins assumed a convincing Russian accent, however my reaction to it, given the character’s role as the protagonist this time around, was not as favorable.
In Undisputed 2, Boyka is gruff, and often unpleasant, making his constant frown and drawn out, slurred words seem appropriate given the character’s menacing nature.
In this film however, Adkins recycles many of Boyka’s quirks, however now that he’s front and center for most of the dramatic scenes, his character comes across as petty and childish, like a kid that doesn’t want to share his Playmobils.
Motherfuckin' Playmobil! YEEEEEEEEEAHH!!!!!!
For the most part however, Adkins gets the job done, with his eerily even more expanded and toned physique, and his heroic features more than making up for his delivery or intonation.
Most of these conversations have Adkins playing opposite a very charismatic Mykel Shannon Jenkins’ Turbo, a fellow entrant in the tournament and essentially the Apollo Creed to Adkins’ Rocky Balboa.
There are some fun parallels to be found between Jenkins’ Turbo and the previous films’ “Iceman” Chambers, both in their fighting styles and general reactions to prison life.
That is one happy prisoner.
For the most part, I enjoyed Jenkins’ performance, particularly during the scenes in which his character’s vulnerability shone through.
His character came across as one of those guys that just can’t shut up ’cause he can’t stand silence.
Kind of like this guy. Only I don't LIKE this guy...
Special note should be made in regards to the acting performance of the film’s villain, Chilean martial artist and actor, Marko Zaror’s Dolor.
The man obviously is not an English speaker, and indeed much of his dialogue is stilted and awkward at times, however much like Scott Adkins, his natural gravitas and body language allow him to get away with it.
The man is able to chew scenery with what few scenes he’s in just by bugging out his eyes and doing a little jig.
I’m serious, at one point during a training scene he does a little dance, seemingly just for the hell of it.
DISCO DANCE! DISCO DANCE!
I came into the film half for Scott Adkins, and half for Marko Zaror, and this marks the first time I’ve gotten to see Zaror.
From what I’ve read, Zaror’s Chilean films, Kiltro, Mirageman, and Mandrill are all supposed to be the bee’s knees, and I’ve been meaning to see them.
Based on his performance in Undisputed 3, I now feel that I need to see them.
In general, most of the ancillary performances are hammy and over-the-top across the board, with Mark Ivanir’s Gaga and Robert Costanzo’s Farnatti turning out fun performances despite a few hiccups in the script.
"Yah' blabbed Quaid, yah' blabbed about Mars!" ~ Famous last words of a very fat man.
It should be noted that one of the key villains in the film, Vernon Dobtcheff’s Rezo, seems to be dubbed or ADR’ed, and very poorly at that.
Though it’s not that big a deal, and doesn’t impact ones’ enjoyment of the film whatsoever, I found it distracting and somewhat disappointing given that the actor’s face seemed to match his role so well.
Action:
*Warning! Spoilers Ahead!*
Undisputed 3 is, like it’s predecessor, a powerhouse when it comes to fight sequences and choreography.
While Undisputed 2 felt a bit thin at times in terms of the amount of running time the fight scenes occupied in the film, Undisputed 3 feels much more balanced.
The fights are plentiful and varied, with a number of different disciplines and styles being represented throughout.
Sadly, no, there is no Ladder Fu.
Conventions of the “fighting tournament” genre are all met, with most of the preliminary fights being staged as nothing more than exhibitions of the more story relevant character’s skills as opposed to actual give-and-take fights.
The sole exception to this is Jenkins’ fight with the Croatian, which begins as being totally in Jenkins’ favor, only to suddenly shift to a shockingly close fight as his character’s focus begins to falter after being hit for the first time.
OUCH! Right in the Jimmy!
In general, Jenkins’ manages to be convincing in portraying a fighting man.
His movements are sharp and educated to some extent, leading me to believe he may have at least some martial arts background.
In the film, his character utilizes a primarily boxing based fighting style, and when on the offensive, that is, delivering double jabs and 2-3 combinations, Jenkins looks great.
BOOM! HEADSHOT!
On the defensive though, executing elbow blocks and parries, I have to point out that Jenkin’s timing seems off at times, which lucky for him, actually seems to go with his character given his insecurities.
Jenkins is featured in about 3 fight scenes, only 1 of which takes place during the tournament.
Hey, it wouldn't be a prison movie without the requisite prison yard brawl.
Despite the unbelievable amount of hype surrounding Scott Adkins after his performance in Undisputed 2, he somehow managed to live up to all of it in Undisputed 3.
In the nearly 4 years since Undisputed 2, Scott Adkins grew eerily close to losing his appeal in my eyes.
I’ve always maintained that, as an actor in action films, his good looks and charisma could take him very far.
I'd lose the suit though...
As a screen-fighter however, I began to feel as if his talents were being abused.
I attribute this to the various choreographers that were handling him, as for the most part, it seemed like he was no longer doing fight scenes, but instead was being told to simply run down a list of his trademark moves, like I being forced to watch the same highlight reel over and over again.
That feeling evaporated from the first moment Adkins struck a fighting pose in Undisputed 3.
Pictured: Said moment of awesomeness.
Adkins’ movements in Undisputed 3 are just are quick and fluid as ever, however this time around his repertoire is more varied and the “wow” factor generated by his attacks is more the result of entire beats in the choreography, rather than flashy, singular motions.
I suppose this is appropriate, seeing as Adkins’ Boyka declares several times in the film that “he is the most complete fighter in the world.”
Throughout the film, the intensity of Adkins fight scenes escalate in concert with the drama.
His first fight, against a burly and somewhat slow fighter named Sykov, is brief and somewhat disappointing.
Did I mention he was ugly too?
There is a surprising amount of honest to God contact during the fight, particularly in an instance when Adkins check-hooks the poor Russian in the face, but outside of a 3-kick combination, and one of Adkins’ trademark flipping side-kicks, the fight is entirely one-sided and is very short.
Slap the fatty!
His first fight in the tournament sequence on the other hand, is excellent.
During the fight, Adkins manages to pull off nearly all of his trademark moves, though most of them are framed in such a way as to appear less showy, and more believable as practical fighting moves.
Well, maybe not all of them...
As I mentioned before, the preliminary tournament fights are devoid of drama, and Adkins’ fight is no exception.
In total he is hit once, seemingly out of negligence on his part.
A highlight to this scene is Adkins performing a believable German Suplex on the poor Frenchman.
Not as good as Donnie Yen's in Flash Point, but then again, nothing is.
Crowder’s performance in Tom Yum Goong, was impressive, as any performance of Capoeira always is, but hampered by overuse of slow-motion and water-on-the-floor gimmickery.
The scene was also cut short, which I’ve read was a result of injuries during filming.
Well, Mr. Crowder looked pretty healthy to me in Undisputed 3, ’cause he did a bang up job.
Capoeira in movies tends to suffer from the choreographer’s over-reliance on the flashier and more acrobatic motions associated with it.
This was not the case in Undisputed 3, as Crowder’s attacks, while spectacular and full of gravity defying maneuvers, also incorporate basic punches and grapples, effectively making his fighting seem less like a performance, and more like a fight.
Pictured: Attempted Arm Rape.
Watching Adkins and Crowder flip and roll about the mat in tandem was truly impressive, with neither man upstaging the other.
Also, it needs to be said that Crowder’s first fight in the movie, against a Greek fighter, features an amazingly long take (26 seconds by my count) with extremely complicated choreography.
Kudos to both men. Oh yeah, and the camera operator for keeping up.
I have no idea who you are Mr. Greek, but thanks for getting your ass kicked by the Brazilian!
The final fight in the movie, the battle between Scott Adkins and Marko Zaror, is separated into the 3 classic phases of movie fights.
Equilibrium is reached in the opening few minutes.
The bad guy starts to take control in the middle.
And then finally our hero makes his miraculous comeback, winning against all odds.
It’s a classic formula, and Undisputed 3 loses no points for using it, however it gains an insane amount of brownie points for the content it uses to fill these 3 phases.
In short, the fight is spectacular.
Like many of the tournament fights in this movie, the fight is dropped into our laps with surprisingly little fanfare or build-up, but when the bell rings, we don’t care either way.
It’s fast, it’s furious, and the choreography communicates the character of the two men so very well.
Despite the fact that I said I was hyped about this movie because of both it’s stars, In many ways I felt I was more impressed by Zaror in this sequence, largely because of his speed and ferocity.
Adkins’ punches come out in classic “movie punch” fashion: wide, and with a lot shoulder put into them so as to maximize the urgency of the movement, while at once allowing for a degree of control.
Zaror’s punches on the other hand, are obscenely fast and compact.
In short, Zaror’s attacks look dangerous, their intent is clear and they don’t feel like fake punches.
Early on in the fight there is a sequence in which Zaror throws a feint, followed 1-1-3 combo. That was the moment my eyes started to shift their focus from Adkins to him.
That would be the "3" of the 1-1-3.
Though Adkins has Zaror beat in terms of elegance and precision in his execution of some movements, particularly spinning kicks, I have to say, Zaror’s footwork in simply a wonder.
Even when he’s simply standing around keeping his rhythm, his feet remain busy and explosive, shooting out with his punches and springing to life with stunningly realistic counter-movement in response to his opponent.
DISCO DANCE! DISCO DANCE!
Zaror was pretty much the perfect choice for a man to play opposite a talent like Scott Adkins, mostly because they are so similar.
While Zaror is definitely a much bigger and taller man, both performers have an acrobatic style that the choreographer, Larnell Stovall, was wise to have them pit against one another.
Watching one big man defy gravity during a fight scene is always thrilling, but to watch another, even bigger man do it response is a thing of beauty.
I won’t say much for any specific beats during the final battle, but I will say this, find a way to see it, because it’s easily the best fight scene of 2010, well, that is until I see Ip Man 2, then we’ll know for sure.
One thing worth noting is that I the phase of the fight in which Zaror took command, lasted just a little too long.
As you may have noticed, I truly enjoyed Zaror’s fighting in the film, however the middle of the final fight had him laying waste to Adkins so severely, that I simply couldn’t suspend my disbelief when the big comeback finally came.
Though I did like the way they had Zaror “sweep the leg” in terms of incorporating Boyka’s bum knee into the choreography. That was fun.
"GET HIM A BODYBAG! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
That being said, the ending portion of the fight was a little awkward as well, with the changes in Adkins’ approach to the fight being less than obvious.
It should also be noted that whoever made the decision to incorporate songs into many of the fights should get a big fat slap to the face.
I don’t appreciate LYRICS drowning out the ambience of my fight scenes, particularly when none of them are edited in montage.
Despite my gripes, the final battle, along with many of the others, were truly amazing, and definitely makes me want to see more from both actors, as well as director Florentine.
Well, that’s Undisputed 3: Redemption, hopefully I didn’t bore you too much with my Scott Adkins/Marko Zaror cock-sucking.
